Tiger Pee?

For those who don't know the story, I'll tell it here.

When I was a kid, around 5 or so, my Mom and her friend Teresa took all of us kids to the Fort Worth Zoo.  I have a vague memory of this "incident" but mostly, I retell it based on what my Mom says happened.  There we are, enjoying our day when we come upon the tiger exhibit.  Now, I use the term "exhibit" loosely, but it was there that I was assaulted.  This was the early 80's, and the tigers were literally in cages....no fancy jungle habitats.  If you were a lucky tiger, they might throw you a bone and give you a house plant, but if I remember correctly it was mostly concrete and bars.  I'd be pissed off if I were a tiger, I'll tell you that much.  Anyway, I digress.  There was a bar in front of the cage to keep the curious and the stupid a safe distance away, but it was only 4 or 5 feet.  So there we are, happy, typical Americans out enjoying our day and checking out The Suspect in his concrete jungle.  For some reason, the zookeeper decides he needs to get into the cage and turns the hose on the tiger to back him away from the door.  This does the trick but I now have The Suspect's ass pointed straight at my grill.  It was then that the tiger turns on his own hose and PEES ON ME.  Technically I think I was "sprayed" but who really gives a shit.......I HAD TIGER PEE ALL OVER ME!  I smelled so badly, my mom stripped me down and made me ride home naked.  Poor Teresa had to drive the 5 other kids home in her car because no one would get within 10 feet of me.

I have spent many years being laughed at by my parents and my sisters for this, but I like to think of The Suspect as a mini, hairy, jerk of a Buddha just letting me know a big life lesson.  That lesson was "Hey Little Buddy, smarten up.  Because just when you're out enjoying a lovely day, when you least suspect it and you're having a good time.....someone's gonna come right up and point their giant, tiger ass towards you and ruin it.  So you better figure out now whether you're going to laugh about it or cry like a bitch." 

Or maybe I'm reading too much into it and the tiger took a page from R. Kelly and liked to pee on underage girls but whatevs.

So that's what this blog is going to be about.....the tiger pee in my life.  Before you get the wrong idea, it's not that I intend to only write about the bad things.  Bad shit or good shit; there's almost always something hilarious about it if you look hard enough. 

You may or may not find it interesting, but it's my world.  Welcome to it.

PS - No Mom, I will not watch my language.